It's been a while since we've updated, so it took a reallllllly smaggy event to remind me to post. A few smags and I were grabbing a drink at a really sketchy local bar down the street that I like to call "Anna's." While walking back toward Smag #1's car, a few boys lounging by their car called out to us, "hey ladies... Hey Ladies!..." and when we didn't turn around, one of them started yelling:
"I NEED A PEDICURE!..... I NEED A PEDICURE!.... I NEED A PEDICURE!...."
and all i could say in response (hopefully loud enough for them to hear) was, "wow. what @ssholes. I bet he really does have gross feet." I mean, he wasn't even original! I'm not sure why they do that -- clearly their lady-prospects were thin from the get-go. Yelling weird offensive things (mostly that insult our intelligence) will do NOTHING to get girls. In any case, it reminded me of the smaggy lines we've heard in our time in the city. A selection of those lines follows:
- Of the straightup creepy variety: "Hey... hey... do you speak english? ... do you need a greencard? ... just get in my van..." (on 5th ave in front of Bergdorf's... and he actually had a van! Needless to say, I did not react very calmly.)
- Of the 'other minorities hitting on smags' variety: [while walking in LES with another smag, a young guy from that 'hood is following us] "... DAMN girl... look at that BACK!... ni hao MA!" (it is notable that "ni hao ma" means "how are you?" -- so I take it that this weird emphasis was meant to sound like the chinese for "how YOU doin'?")
- Of the joking/cockblocking variety: "So... what did you get on your SATs?"
- Of the 'young people need to figure out what's NOT offensive' variety: [while walking through Times Square at 3am - where all the uptown teenagers hangout, apparently] "CHICKEN CHOW MEIN!" (and grabs for smag friend's waist)
Really. I'm not sure what encourages people to do this. This isn't even catcalling like most weirdo men do in the streets. It's a targeted harassment, just for fun (#2 wasn't so bad. I'd have been flattered if we weren't on a dark street in a ghetto neighborhood) - although #1 was actually really dangerous and gross. And I hope there weren't already immigrant asian women in his van after I/we cussed him out and stalked off. Any ideas on why people do this?
I've heard a few chuckle worthy ones. A construction worker did the classy "Ahn-Nyeong Hah-Seh-YO!" (Heavy emphasis on the yo). Not better than Ne Hao MA but nice nonetheless since fewer people know korean.
ReplyDeleteI remember hearing one that went something along the lines of "hey baby, I need some help with my calculus homework. You free later?"
Less offensive racial slurs are nice.
A couple new ones from last night and today:
ReplyDelete- While waiting on the subway platform, a man walks up and asks without any lead-in or anything, "How long have you been in this country? Are you from China or Japan?" So I replied, "My entire life...neither," and walked away.
- While walking back from lunch, a man on the sidewalk looks straight at me and mutters "Sushisushisushisushisushi" as he passes by. Reminded me of the "Chicken chow mein!" one.